


I see things differently

by pepi



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Stupid Boys being Stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:36:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2801507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi/pseuds/pepi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven Rogers had to learn to love his body twice in his life. And both times it took Bucky and his adoration for this stupid man to see the light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I see things differently

**Author's Note:**

> No beta ever saw this and English is not my first language. It came out pretty okay though… I think…

**The 1930s/40s**

 

 

Steve was small and skinny and sickly and just everything no one would ever want. He hated his body. In his early teens he hated his body for being sick all the time, but with age came a hate for the way he looked as well. Steve had to learn to live with his body. He got pretty good, knowing when to slow down so he wouldn’t collapse, when to even his breathing out to fight off a asthma-attack or what to do when he did get an attack. He couldn’t do anything against getting sick all the time, but he was stubborn and fought his way back to (kinda) health every single time. But the way he looked… He never really knew how to deal with that. Except face the fact, that he would probably never find anyone who would want him. And that was okay, or so he told himself. Until he realized his feeling for Bucky. His handsome, perfect best friend Bucky. Yes, in Steve’s eyes Bucky was perfect in every way. Inside and outside, Bucky was perfect and therefore way out of Steve’s league. But Steve was wrong about that. Because Bucky thought Steve was perfect. And somehow, between sickbeds, not enough money, long hours and the occasional happy days, they found each other. And Steve learned to love his body…

Because the thing was: Bucky LOVED his body! And Bucky made sure Steve knew just how much he loved his body. Hunger, that’s the word that came to Steve’s mind when he saw the look on Bucky’s face the first time they ended up in bed together. And this look never went away again. On the contrary, it was joined by actions.

Bucky would strip Steve off his clothes, kiss every inch of skin he could find and tell Steve just what exactly he liked about his body. The color of his hair, the shape of his nose, the way his eyes shone when he smiled. The way his hipbones stuck out a bit so Bucky could fit his hands there and hold on to Steve. The way Steve’s body fit perfectly against his when they spooned. His bony legs and arms and the way they could wrap around Bucky’s body and hold him closer… It took a few of those evenings spend in bed together until Steve realized: Bucky meant every single word with all his heart. In Bucky’s eyes, Steve looked good and his body did a good enough job at being a body.

Or Bucky would spend hours sucking on Steve’s cock, stopping whenever Steve came close, just to smile up at him before he crawled up so he could kiss Steve deep and whisper into his ear just how perfect he thought Steve’s cock was. The perfect size to fit into his mouth, to make him feel full, but not too stretched so it would be uncomfortable on his jar. And the taste, oh god how he just loved the way Steve tasted. And Steve would glared at him, not sure if he could survive another almost-orgasm, and sometimes, when he got really really really REALLY frustrated, he would shove Bucky back down to his cock. And Bucky would go willingly, smiling all the time until he had Steve’s cock back in his mouth. Then he would moan around Steve’s cock and go back to sucking him off, this time letting Steve come in his mouth. While Steve would try to catch his breath and come back down, Bucky would sit back and stare at Steve, his own cock in his hand and then he would come all over Steve’s stomach and chest while telling Steve just how amazing he looked like this, debouched and beautiful and small and just… Steve. It made Steve realize that in Bucky’s eyes, Steve’s body was sexy.

Other times Bucky would ask Steve to make love to him. Bucky would smile at Steve while the skinny boy gently opened him up with too much Vaseline and just a bit too gentle and slow for Bucky’s liking. But he would keep talking to Steve. “Yes Baby, that feels so good. God, your fingers are sinful. Oh GOD… Baby, more, please… I need you…” After Steve was convinced he had stretched Bucky enough, Bucky would roll a condom on Steve’s cock, sometimes getting a bit distracted by the task until his own need to just feel Steve inside of him overtook him once more and he would pull Steve closer and kiss him deep and hungry while he locked his legs around Steve and push him closer, and closer and inside. Bucky would always moan loudly on that first push and Steve had to kiss him to stop the neighbors from hearing Bucky. They would find a rhythm together. Not too fast, Steve couldn’t go too fast without losing his breath. But it was perfect for them. Loving more than fucking. And Bucky would just melt away under Steve. “Baby, you’re so good. Yes, there… Oh Baby… Make me feel so damn good. Never wanna stop!” Bucky would come first. Every single time, without touching his cock once. Steve inside him, above him, in his arms and so close and kissing him… It was enough for Bucky. And that was enough for Steve to realize his body was something worth wanting. It was his body that did that to Bucky, that made him come undone so beautifully.

Those nights Steve could convince Bucky that he was healthy enough and strong enough for Bucky to make love to him, Bucky would spend a long long time preparing Steve. He would use even more Vaseline than Steve would use on him and he would stretch him good and long. When he was sure Steve was ready, he would lie down on his back and arrange Steve’s small frame above him, letting Steve take control, wait for him to sink all the way down on Bucky’s cock. Steve would ride him good and slow and long. Sweat running down his body, mixing with his precum and Bucky’s sweat, his hands linked with Bucky’s, stealing kisses when he could get the angle right. This way they usually came together, Steve feeling so full and whole and Bucky feeling like he was home. It made Steve feel loved. And he realized Bucky really did love his body.

And then everything changed. Bucky went off to fight a war he didn’t want to fight and Steve wanted to fight but couldn’t fight. But Steve was stubborn and wouldn’t let his best guy fight without him. He was willing to give everything to be with Bucky, to fight with Bucky. He got his wish, all he had to give was his body. Only when Bucky stared at him in confusion in the HYDRA base did Steve realize: Bucky had loved his small, sickly, skinny body and Steve had given that up. He had a new body, so different from his original body. So different from the body Bucky had loved. It didn’t seem to matter during the war. They seldom had the time or the privacy to do anything. Those nights or days or hours or just minutes they did have, they spent them cuddling, kissing and only twice jerking each other off. Steve’s new body was only discussed once when Steve reassured Bucky that there were no negative side-effects and yes, he was healthy now. But Steve saw the way Bucky looked at his body now. The hunger, the want, it was gone. In those moments Steve missed his old, sick body.

 

**2015**

 

And then Bucky fell and Steve froze and Steve thawed and Aliens happened and HYDRA happened and the Winter Soldier happened and… A lot happened until Bucky came back to Steve. He had his memory back and thanks to therapy and the people he now called his friends and his team, Bucky was better. Not good, not okay, not back to normal, but better and getting better every day. And Steve loved him with all his heart. It took Bucky some time to accept that and to admit that he felt the same. They still were Steve and Bucky, 70 years later. Only, not really. Cuddling, kissing, holding hands, sleeping in the same bed… It all happened and the two of them enjoyed the fact, that their love wasn’t illegal anymore and that they could share a kiss in the living room with their friends around them or walk down the street holding hands. But that was as far as physical contact went these days. Steve wasn’t pushing, of course he wasn’t. He was happy and content with the way things were and would have happily lived his life like that. But then he realized: the problem was his new body. The body that wasn’t really his because it came out of a bottle. And it wasn’t the body Bucky had loved. And Steve would learn to live with this knowledge, but more importantly: he had to let Bucky know, that it was okay. He needed to make sure Bucky didn’t feel like he was supposed to want Steve’s body. Bucky should know that Steve was okay with the way their relationship was now.

“Hey Buck, have a minute?”

Bucky looked up from the couch where he was reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. “Sure. Something wrong?”

Steve sat down next to Bucky and cuddled closer to his boyfriend. “No, nothing is wrong. I just wanted to make sure you know that nothing is wrong.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and put his book away, pulling Steve closer. “What’s going through your damn noble head right now?” He said it with a smile in his voice, but Steve knew he was a bit worried. “It’s just… I want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay that you don’t want this body…”

“What?”

Bucky sat up straight now, looking at Steve with confusion.

“I thought I went to therapy to accept this body as my own. To accept the arm as part of me… And now you tell me it’s okay to NOT want it? That sounds a bit counterproductive...”

“No no no. Not your body. My body!”

“Your body? Why would I not want… Oh…”

“Yes, oh.”

Steve smiled at Bucky, making sure he knew how sincere Steve was.

“It’s okay Bucky. I know it’s not the body you want or love or… whatever. And that’s okay. It’s not really my body anyway and I can live with that. I just want you to know it’s okay if your… if you don’t feel attracted to this body.”

Bucky just stared at him, his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open a bit.

“Not want? Not… attracted to? Not LOVE? Are you dumb or something?”

It was Steve’s turn to look at Bucky wide eyed.

“What?”

“Oh Steve… Stupid, insecure little Stevie…”

And with that Bucky pulled Steve closer, kissed is nose and smiled at him.

“I am attracted to your body, I want your body and damn do I love your body.”

“But… It’s so different…”

“So? It’s still YOUR body. It’s you under this skin. And I am attracted to you and whatever shape or form you come in.”

Bucky smiled at Steve and Steve could feel his heart swell. A small smile appeared on his lips.

“So, you are okay with me looking the way I do and not being small and skinny and… well… in the body you loved so much?”

Bucky smiled and nodded.

“Yes, I’m okay with that. And if you don’t belief me, which is probable with your stupid insecurity, I will have to show you just how okay I am with your body. The way I did all those years ago with your skinny, small body.”

“So why haven’t you yet?”

Bucky’s smile fell, but Steve was not backing down. They were talking about this now and if Steve had learned one thing in his short and also long but mostly just weird life, it was that TALKING IS KEY!

“I… I was scared. I always had to be so gently with you and I loved that and I was good at that… I think…”

“You were!”

Bucky smiled again and Steve kissed his nose softly, prompting him to keep talking.

“But now we are both different. We are both stronger, bigger… harder in a way… What if I lose control and hurt you? What if I don’t, but my gentle ways can’t satisfy your new body anymore…”

Steve shut him up with a kiss.

“We will never know if we don’t try it…”

And so they did. Slow and gentle still worked for them in wonderful ways. Lazy kissing and lazy jerking off and slow prepping and too much lube (so much better than Vaseline) and sinful hip roles and slow rides and rimming. God why had they never tried rimming before? Bucky realized that he still was able to be gentle with Steve, and he loved it. And Steve found out just how much he missed Bucky’s soft touches and loving kisses and sweet nothings in his ears while he was inside of him.

The first time Bucky sucked Steve’s new, bigger, longer cock he smirked at Steve. “God, Steve. That is going to be a stretch!” Steve wanted to snarl at him for that comment, but Bucky was just damn good at sucking cock and so all that came out of his mouth was “Ungth”. Bucky couldn’t help himself and came with his hand down his pants.

But they also found out, that sometimes harder, faster, deeper was the way to go and now they could. And Steve loved it when Bucky lost control and just fucked him the way he never could before. Because Steve wouldn’t break now.

And on days and nights where they couldn’t decide which way to go, they just went twice, thrice… because they could now and they wanted to and god did they love it. And Steve realized Bucky was honest when he said he loved Steve in every shape or form. But he also loved Steve’s shape and form. And it made Steve realize he didn’t give up the body Bucky loved, his body had just changed, but it was still his body and Bucky loved and wanted his body.

Yes, sometimes they miss the old times, the way they were before everything happened. But they miss those times together. In those moments, they lie in their bed, limbs tangled, skin touching and jerking each other off while talking about those old times. Remembering their favorite sexual encounters and sometimes talking about those things they never got a chance to try back then but would have loved to do in their old bodies.

Their sexlife isn’t better or worse now. It’s just different. And it’s still them, and that’s what really matters.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) Feel free to comment and stuff ;)


End file.
